Do we need everything they advertise to us?

And Father's Day arrived – and gone! And gone, too, the euphoria that precedes these holidays - joy bought and paid, at times, in installments as far as the eye can see. Everything now piles up in the street, in the overcrowded bins on the sidewalks.

In Brazil, it started with Sylvio Bhering's idea - an advertiser; and is currently another moment in which the products represent the desires and sensations we want to experience: prosperity, youth, sophistication! But, amid the commercial ecstasy, I found some last-minute consumers. There they were, frustrated, in front of the already almost empty shelves on that Sunday morning.

Some wondered about the absolute need for all of that, perhaps driven by frustration at the few options... It was possible to see - and hear - a mother, with her children, explaining that the socks and underwear would make Dad as happy as the vacuum cleaner robot, sold out on the market a week ago. The eldest, looking 17 years old, rolled his eyes as if in protest at his mother's words. The two youngest chose the colors of the wrapping paper.

Inevitably, it was possible to witness children in the checkout lines, comparing the size of their purchases with those of other people. There it was! The physical verification of the diversity of purchasing power, the exact moment when it was possible to see that what we could buy was less than what others could. Then, finally, the youngest asked: mom, why are they buying more than us?

Unfortunately, the situation is commonplace: our children compare what they have with what their peers show they have, often following their significant ones' behavior, who also suffer from not having what other adults have - conscious or not of this processes...

It's not an easy subject, but the first question to ask ourselves could be, "do we need everything that is advertised to us? And what moves us to want what we want? Do we base our choices only on what we want, on our desires, or do we strike a balance between wanting and needing?"

Dealing with wants and needs is no easy task and balancing it all when you have children and setting an example further complicates the equation… So, when in doubt, one option might be going back to what always seems to work - has it gotten more complicated? Well, it might be time for a longer chat, for a straight discussion!

When these kinds of questions appear at home, the children are already mature enough to talk about the reasons behind their wishes. To provoke changes in any behavior, it is necessary to first look at what is behind it. For example, what does it mean when you find yourself wanting everything - or almost everything - that others seem to have. Having answered that might prepare you to learn there is a big difference between wanting, needing, and fulfilling those urges. And that deep down, to be happy, we don't need the latest version of the smartphone or the dream car shown on TV in between sitcoms.

The relationships we establish with people are the key to fulfillment in our lives. To understand this, our children need space to talk about what they feel and what the whole family thinks about having, wanting, and being able to.

Asking for help when the issue gets out of control and our children turn into exaggerated consumption models is the key to the health we so seek. Bear in mind everyday conversations whenever you go shopping – from the market to the present for Dad – are indeed a moment of learning. For them, and us!

That said, The next step is up to you. Allow yourself to rethink your choices as a family!

Vanessa Meirelles

Human Identity Researcher Psychopedagogue

Member of the Brazilian Association of Psychopedagogy - ABPp 722