Are you familiar with this scene? A family leaves for the airport in the nick of time while the youngest tries to put on their shoes and tie their shoelaces… After the third attempt, a shout: " we'll miss the flight!" The process is interrupted by someone older who takes the shoe in his hands, ties it, and announces in relief: "OK, let's go!"
Faced with the apparent delay surrounding the simplest day-to-day activities, it is common for adults to take on the task themselves without realizing their actions' effect on those still learning to take care of themselves. Neuroscientist Antônio Damásio states that achieving autonomy, even in apparently easy tasks, significantly impacts neurological development and, consequently, the mental health of children and young people. So being autonomous is essential? It seems so…
During the holidays, with parents and relatives close by, children quickly realize that there is always someone on hand to help them accomplish much of what they are already capable of doing on their own. When that happens, everyone usually settles in… Is there still time to escape this situation?
Well, 2022 is still ongoing, and on the eve of the year-end festivities, it is still an excellent time to make up for lost time or interrupted autonomy! The first step could come in the form of a question, one of those we ask ourselves: what kind of adult am I in interacting with those who are still learning how to tie their shoes?
Research shows that the type of adult who is always ready to "do it faster" can give children the impression that they are incapable or that their mistakes will not be tolerated. That is, learning to deal with the frustration of not achieving something and learning to persist in the face of the new or what is perceived as challenging is prevented.
Without exercising their autonomy during the vacation period, we teach the younger ones a lesson different from the one we expect them to put into practice when they return to school: solving problems with creativity and exercising the freedom to make decisions and deal with their effects.
Patience seems to be the keyword when we are on the way to learning how to learn; moreover, it is necessary to see all the mistakes along the way as a step towards belonging to the world of those who "can do it."
The question remains: will a little more autonomy fit your vacation bag?
Happy family holidays!
Vanessa Meirelles
Psychopedagogue Human Identity Researcher
Master in Social Psychology from PUC São Paulo
Member of the Brazilian Association of Psychopedagogy - ABPp 722
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