About parents, children, and gifts

And Easter Sunday came – and went! With it, so did the boxes that brought many of the eggs and goodies delivered by the bunny to children in their homes. Everything now piled up in the street, in the rubbish bins crammed on the pavement: excesses boosted by the pandemic? Maybe… but is that all?

What for many people symbolizes fertility, birth, and life, giving and receiving a chocolate egg, nowadays, has become one more moment when consuming these products allows us, even if indirectly, to fulfill desires and experience new sensations: prosperity, sophistication, well-being, and so on!

On Sunday morning, I met some last-minute consumers (shoppers) in front of the supermarket’s almost empty shelves in this sensory ecstasy. Some wondered the real need for all of that, perhaps moved by frustrations with fewer options… It was possible to see - and hear - a mother, trying to convince her husband about the best product to buy, explaining that Pan’s chocolate egg would make her son as happy as the one with imported toys inside - sold out at the market a week ago. The husband, appearing to be in a hurry to leave the enclosure, rolled his eyes as if in protest at his wife’s words.

Dealing with desires, wishes and needs is not an easy task, and balancing all these when you have children – and you have to set an example –, complicates the equation further. However, I go back to what always seems to work well – complicated? No ready-made recipe: it’s time for a chat, a straight talk, as the young people say!

When these questions appear at home, children are usually mature enough to talk about the reasons behind their desires (and ours!?). However, to change any behavior, especially the one of desiring everything – or almost everything - that our money can buy, it is necessary to look first at what is behind these desires, to learn that there is a big difference between wanting, needing, and afford and that, deep down, to be happy, we don’t need the latest smartphone version or the dream car, announced on TV between programs—even less of the imported chocolate.

The relationships we establish with people closest to us are the key to fulfillment in our lives. To understand this, our children need us, time, and space to talk about what they feel and what the whole family thinks about having, wanting, and afford.

Asking for help when everything seems to get out of hand and our children become consumption modes exaggerating is the first step. Remember, however, that conversation in everyday life and every moment of shopping – from the weekly market for the birthday gifts – they are, yes, moments of learning. For them and us!

Having said that, it would be easy to conclude: Happy Easter! But what about those who have children and are divorced?

I propose a challenge: Sunday is over, but there is still time to exercise generosity, perhaps helping your offspring to think about something special for their father or mother. Too challenging for you? Unresolved grieves? Is the heart still heavy? Take a deep breath and think about the importance of relationships in your(s) child(ren)’s life; start building this space in your mind and practice compassion, starting with yourself.

That said, the next step is up to you. Allow yourself.